Parenting A Teen Is Like American Football – When You’re English

Being a parent to a teen is a whole new ball game. I’m a Football fan but she seems to be more of an American Footballer. This is a problem. You see when I watch American Football I have no idea what is going on…I’ve picked up a few things from watching Friday Night Lights but still sit there with a constant voice in my head saying ‘what the fuck?’ similar to the one I get after a screaming session chat with madam.

I expected moods of course I did but so much more came with it and I often end up looking as stressed as Coach Taylor. This is Coach Taylor (below). Coach of the Dillon Panthers in TV show Friday Night Lights.

Coach Taylor - My Parenting Role Model.

Coach Taylor – My Parenting Role Model.

His coaching methods are what I’m putting into play In my new parenting methods. Incase you do not have a teen, let me explain by use of American Football terms (I’m Coach Taylor remember?) they joys of teen parenting.

Red zone: The unofficial area from the 20-yard line to the opponent’s goal line. OR Her bedroom – out of bounds unless I am cleaning (without touching anything), bringing gifts or she’s at school haha.

Rushing: To advance the ball by running, not passing. A running back is sometimes called a rusher. OR Not a word she has understanding off. She spends aaages in the bathroom, dawdles everywhere and the only sense of urgency she ever has is when she sprints out of the car to get away from us.

Offensive line: The human wall of five men who block for and protect the quarterback and ball carriers. Every line has a centre (who snaps the ball), two guards, and two tackles.OR The one I seem to cross by opening my mouth. I word I utter seems to from an offensive line.

Extra point: A kick, worth one point, that’s typically attempted after every touchdown. OR These can be gained with gifts of books or clothes.

Sack: When a defensive player tackles the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage for a loss of yardage. OR The sack full of clothes that need to washed at the end of each day – more outfit changes than Katy Perry this one.

Snap: The action in which the ball is tossed between the legs by the centre to the quarterback, to the holder on a kick attempt, or to the punter. When the snap occurs, the ball is officially in play and action begins. OR Something she is likely to do at any point.

Safety: A score, worth two points, that the defence earns by tackling an offensive player in possession of the ball in his own end zone. OR Something I don’t have. She looks at me as though she wants to hurt me everytime I say no to something – which is a lot nowadays.

I often wonder what the hell is going on parenting a teen, just as I do when watching American football but then I just wonder what would Coach Taylor say or do? These are some of my favourite Coach Taylor quotes that I plan to use in my parenting…

  • Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.
  • Stay away from dumb, gentlemen.
  • You listen to people that love you and you listen to people that you trust. Most of all, you listen to yourself.
  • Can you do me a favor? Do the best you can.
  • You may never know how proud I am of you.

And for hopefully much later on

    If you’re wondering if a boy’s thinking about you, he’s not. He’s thinking about sex, or he’s hungry. Those are the only two options.



After the Playground
  1. 2 years ago
    Kim Carberry

    hahaha! This is brilliant! I have a tween so may take some of this advice!

    • 2 years ago

      I considering a follow up – A guide to raising boys – the Coach Taylor way.

  2. 2 years ago

    Informative! I have learnt about American Footballing and teen parenting. I have tween boy and already the hormones have kicked in. Food is often on his mind although hopefully sex is a long way off! (like when he’s 25 or something)

    • 2 years ago

      I was thinking more like mid 30s 😉

  3. 2 years ago
    Sarah MumofThree World

    Eek! Scary and funny at the same time. Every time I read about teen girls I am grateful that I get to practise on boys first!

    • 2 years ago

      Thanks for your comment Sarah,

      To be honest she’s not really that bad as teenagers go (yet) it’s just the massive shift in behavior from when she wanted us to know everything to now that’s the hardest part.x

  4. 2 years ago
    Anita Cleare

    Let’s face it, we’ll never really know if we are getting any of it right! My 13 year old is currently a game in which the rules seem to change every moment. Luckily, this is the third teenage boy we’ve been through so I just close my eyes and remember there is light at the end of the tunnel somewhere even if I can’t see it yet……

  5. 4 months ago

    ha ha this is brilliant! As a parent of three teens I found myself nodding all the way through! #TweensTeensBeyond

  6. 4 months ago
    Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom

    Ha ha ha! I love this. And I’m American. Makes me want to watch Friday Night Lights. That’s more enjoyable than squabbling with my moody tween. 🙂


    • 4 months ago

      I love Friday Night Night Lights – and it has nothing to do with the fact I have a thing for Coach Taylor & Tim Riggins. Nope.

  7. 4 months ago
    Jo - Mother of Teenagers

    Love those Coach Taylor quotes. Some great one liners there that I may have to borrow myself – particularly apt for me right me is “Do me a favour, do the best you can.” Thanks so much for the cheery post. #TweensTeensBeyond

  8. 4 months ago
    Nicky Kentisbeer

    This – ‘She looks at me as though she wants to hurt me every time I say no to something – which is a lot nowadays’. I love it. I’m with you. Currently at the stage of not knowing whether I’m parenting a teen or a toddler. I love your analogy here in this post – really clever. Thank you! #tweensteensbeyond

  9. 4 months ago
    Sharon Parry

    Loved the analogy, very clever and very true! I too seem to be offensive just by opening my mouth! Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond


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