Rinse & Repeat.

You may or may not have gathered from other posts on here that I want a baby. More than anything really. We have 2 brilliant not so little people, but for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to expand our family with 1 possibly 2 more. Spud is 7 now so you could say nature has not been kind to us. I seem to struggle with the whole getting pregnant gig and then seem to struggle with the staying pregnant part too (another story for another time).

I’m getting on a bit now – well I’m 35 – so in baby making terms I’m what the Drs like to think of as old. I wanted my babies to be close in age – 13 & 7 wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. But I’m failing massively at this whole being a woman & having babies bit.

It gets me down.
It makes me mad.

Then it makes me feel ungrateful for wanting more – which gets me down again.

Rinse & repeat. It’s an endless cycle.

Last year I was selected to take part in the Clearblue trials. I though this was it, it was going to work, we were finally going to have another baby.

It didn’t – it made me mad, then it made me sad. Rinse & repeat.

Over the years many people we know have been pregnant, had babies, rinse & repeat. But we’re still waiting…..

2 Comments
  1. 1 month ago
    Corinne

    I couldn’t read and not comment, I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a hard time conceiving and staying pregnant. I cannot imagine how hard it must be, I realise that despite the difficult times we’ve had with a single miscarriage and the loss of a baby to Edwards Syndrome, I am fortunate that I have been able to have the large family we want. It made me so sad to read you saying you’ve failed in your role as a woman, your ability or inability to have babies does not make your more or less of a woman. I can understand how these thoughts sneak in, but make sure you tell yourself they are not the truth. I am sending you so much love and positive vibes for the baby you so desperately want. Love MotherScuffer x

    Reply
  2. 1 month ago
    TheOneTheyCallMum

    Thank you Corrine, sadly this is quite an old post and we’ve been through so much more heartache and pain since. But there’s still hope.
    I’m sorry too for the losses you have suffered.x

    Reply

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